The Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble,
it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-Max Ehrmann

snow in boston

it's 9:30am and a rather gray day in boston.  it's that wet sort of snow, the snow that reminds me of living on a lake instead of living near the atlantic ocean.  the snow only seems to stick to this little patch of dirt/gravel, on either side of the "Boston University East" T stop that I can see from my res hall window.  and maybe a few windshields of cars on the side street off of commonwealth ave.  it's a perfect day for me to work on my final exams, being that i don't think the sun is going to pop through the clouds anytime soon.

i think back to where i was last christmas, when i was at such a different place in my life.  i was in the process of beginning to end a very serious relationship with someone who i still love very much, but just wasn't necessarily best for me (or me for him).  and at the same time, was in such distant contact with someone I had loved for almost a decade and never thought I would hear from again.  But we were in touch and we thought it would work, but it won't and I had to resign myself to accepting that love is not always enough.  Even when you think this person is your soul mate.

and on top of all of it, i was still discerning about whether or not to go back to graduate school for social work.  i just knew that i was wearing out and i needed a new direction.  a major change to get me moving again...

so in the healing process, which just began a few weeks ago, i pulled out a book that my brother bought me for Christmas last year and though i had requested this book...i completely lacked any motivation to actually read it.  but suddenly, the title "Eat. Pray. Love." called out to me from my make shift bookshelf next to my XL twin bed, in my cramped dorm room.  and i read it in about 4 days because the deeper i got in, the more i realized that this woman, also named "elizabeth" reminded me of...me...in so many ways.  and i think that a lot of people who read this book could relate to the stories of this woman, the only difference is that she was willing to let it all hang out.  she wrote about her journey through all her struggle, something most of us just want to forget.  but the journey is the most rich and valuable part, as i am just starting to fully understand.

so i'm at home for thanksgiving, sitting on the loveseat in the family room, my dad sitting on the couch and it's late into the night before the big feast.  and i turn to page 149 in the book and suddenly i am able to find peace with these two relationships that were haunting me.  accept the love that i feel for these two entirely different men, accept that i miss them and will probably always miss and love them, but that's okay too.  and i wanted to share this passage here...so that i can always find it, even when the book isn't close at hand.  and so maybe, if someone happens upon this particular entry in my blog, maybe this passage will speak to them.

it's about a page of dialogue between the author, who is in India studying at an Ashram and her friend named richard, who has nicknamed the author, "groceries".  in this passage, she is referring to this man, david, who she loves but cannot seem to make it work with:

"...I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

"He probably was.  Your problem is you don't understand what that word means.  People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants.  But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.  But to live with a soul mate forever?  Nah.  Too painful.  Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.  And thank God for it.  Your problem s, you just can't let this one go.  It's over, Groceries.  David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it.  That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over.  Problem is, you can't accept this relationship had a real short shelf life.  You're like a dog at the dump, baby--you're just lickin' at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it.  And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable.  So drop it."

"But I love him."

"So love him."

"But I miss him."

"So miss him.  Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it.  You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone.  But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries.  If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot--a doorway.  And guess what the universe will do with that doorway?  It will rush in--God will rush in--and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed.  So stop using David to block that door.  Let it go...you gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."

and somehow snow brings me back to that place, those memories and makes me more nostalgic than normal (which is pretty difficult).  and this beautiful paperback book finally found a way to sum up everything i feel in my heart and so even in the chill of winter, i feel the warmth return to my heart.  and i can look ahead with eagerness and joy instead of regret and sorrow.

and perhaps, for once, see the snow as some of the magic of the season of winter/christmas.

history changed

OBAMA WINS!!!!!!!!

Full results by state

updated 11:02 p.m. EST, Tue November 4, 2008
CNN: OBAMA TO BE NEXT PRESIDENT
297
37,314,706 (51%)
NATIONAL
FLORIDA
VIRGINIA

139
35,079,170 (48%)

taking it all in

i was at my internship today, Stonewall Communities, and i think i need to start making a list of everything new that i need to learn because there is so much!  too much sometimes.  and this is why i came back to school...to learn, to absorb, to be challenged and broadened.  but wow, is it more than i expected and how humbling it is.  

and then, as i was headed to the public library to work on homework tonight...i stopped at "fanagle a bagel" to get a quick dinner and as i was standing there, looking out onto copley square, i was once again struck with how amazing a city boston is.  and this girl was walking by the window of the store, in her own world, maybe coming home from work or the gym or school and i thought to myself, "do you even know how great this city is?  how rich in history and people and stories?"  and i realized it's probably not something she thinks about because she's probably lived there longer than me or maybe not.  but i'm always looking up when i'm outside because i want to take it all in.  i want to absorb this new city and all the sights that are so different than buffalo.  and then it hit me, that even though buffalo may be poor and may not be the booming metropolis that boston is, it's still an amazing city.  and i knew that, i still know it...because i took the time to get to know the city and all the quirks and hidden corners.  

and now i see why people would be so wide-eyed and eager when they would come through my line at the lexington coop and tell me they were "new to buffalo"...having moved from colorado, minnesota, ohio, oregon, texas.  because they saw the city with potential and hope, possibly something we lose when we live somewhere too long and end up cynical and jaded because we see the oddities and quirks of the city as misfortunes and burdens.  but then you get new eyes, that see the possibilities and beauty, even in the darkest corners and most run-down areas.  not that copley square is run down or unfortunate, but it helped me to appreciate where i am from.  it helps me appreciate the beauty and unique qualities that make each city different from the next, in spite of them all being cement jungles.

so next time i'm in cleveland or buffalo, i do plan to look up, as i do in boston.  i never want to stop seeing my cities with new, hopeful eyes.  and maybe, when i'm back in my "homes", i'll see something new because i'm looking with a new sense of appreciation.

homework break

boston public library (in daylight)


i'm sitting inside the boston public library working on my last midterm. i happened to look up at the room i am sitting in and i had to catch my breath. this gorgeous building, the high ceiling, the natural wood tables and chairs, the old musty books and the huge windows. i looked outside for a moment and i see buildings in copley square, lit up in the darkness of the night. it's beautiful, even though it's a cement jungle where i live and i miss mountains and green pastures where the air is clean and i can forget about my cell phone signal. i am moved by the beauty of this city. it's hard to believe i'm here sometimes. i never thought i'd be here, be anywhere outside of buffalo or cleveland. but here i am and i'm trying to take everything in...one moment at a time. i have been blessed with these opportunities to follow my dreams and it's amazing how being in this library can bring all those emotions out of my heart. but it did and i am grateful for the reminder. goodnight.

The Way I See It #292

the way we get to live forever is through memories stored in the hearts and souls of those whose lives we touch.  that's our soulprint.  it's our comfort, our emotional nourishment at the end of life.  how wonderful that they are called up at will and savored randomly.  it seems to me we should spend our lives in a conscious state of creating these meaningful moments that live on.  memories matter.

-Leeza Gibbons

(I read this on my starbucks cup that I picked up before my Clinical Social Work class a few Wednesdays ago.  It really struck me because I was preparing to head home for my grandmother's 100th birthday party and I could only think about all the memories she has of her own and memories she has given me.  So many people have passed on before her and I know that it makes her sad sometimes, but I loved how thought made me look at memories in a whole new way.  It was such a beautiful thought to take with me as I prepared to go home and celebrate my grandma's well lived (and loved) life and the memories of the beautiful people who have helped make her life so special.)

so sorry for not writing!

well, needless to say, i've been neglectful of this blog.  and i apologize for that because i know that people are relying on this to check in on me.  so here's a quick update before i head back to work on my take home midterm for my social policy welfare class!

my grandmother turned 100 on october 11th and we had a fabulous party back at home for her with family and friends.  and she loved it and i am so lucky to have been there!  and i'm even luckier to have her here, still surging through life with her strong will and spirit.  i had the chance to meet some new people who are dearly loved by my parents and had the chance to catch up with family i haven't seen in so long!!!

school is going well.  i am so busy with classes/homework, my social work internship (www.stonewallcommunities.com), my research (www.igsw.org) and my possible application for the Master's in Public Health program at BU.  my residents are keeping me busy too, but i am really getting to know and love them!  so even though i'm the "big sister" or "old lady", they still keep me informed on what's going on in their lives.

i am applying to be a chaperone for the alternative spring break program through BU for the spring semester.  it's exciting because i don't have to raise money and i get to continue my love of community service/social justice.

i have made some awesome friends, too many to list here.  two of them are sara and tom keller.  they are just amazing people and have made my time in boston so worth the move!  sara is my social work classmate, interested in public health and macro (community) social work and tom is her husband.  they have this adorable golden retriever, Hudson and have a kitchen--so they keep me connected to life beyond my residence hall!

sara and i just inquired about volunteering with an african studies outreach program at BU because we really wanted to go to Mali (in Africa) over our winter break, but realized the cost was a bit steep in our first year.  so this is a way we can stay connected to a continent that we have a lot of interest in.  sara's been there to study, and i want to get there!

those are my updates for right now!  i have to head back to the papers i have due in the coming days and also somehow finish everything else too :-)  fridays arrive so much sooner than i expect these days...thankfully i cannot complain about being bored!

sweetdreams friends, family and strangers.

i'll report back soon.

e.

The Way I See It #198

You can shower a child with presents or money, but what do they really mean, compared to the most valuable gift of all - your time? Vacations and special events are nice, but so often the best moments are the spontaneous ones. Being there. Every moment you spend with your child could be the one that really matters.

-Tim Russert
(former) Host of NBC's Meet the Press and author of Wisdom of Our Fathers.

The Way I See It #298

Our prejudices arise from the fear of things we do not understand. If my generation has a single goal, it must be to promote education - education that advances us not only technologically, but also intuitively and emotionally. In today's fast-paced world, advancing has to mean more than scientific discovery; it is our responsibility to force ourselves beyond our comfort zones and become knowledgeable about the people around us.

-Jessica Arden Ettinger
Starbucks customer and student at the University of Virginia

i'm a big girl

so i just took "the T" back to BU by myself from Allston? (that is MOST likely mispelled). I was out with the beloved Brian Robert Taberski, the bestest friend a gal pal could have and Mark, the best NEW friend a gal could have. i am proud to say i knew where to get off the T, which may seem small to those of you who have mastered a life that is ruled by public transportation. in my case though, after driving for 12 years and owning your own vehicle for 8 of those years, relying upon a perfect stranger to drive you home is, well, how can i say, freaking scary?!?!

anyway. prior to my night of margaritas, i found myself wandering with my new friend becky, through the streets of boston to get to whole foods market. we were so proud of ourselves...leaving our little compound, otherwise known as "Warren Towers". it was absolutely fabulous to be able to say that we could find our way around...because in the midst of everything, i am still scared out of my mind, desperately missing my dearest family and friends in the two cities i refer to as home. so being able to find a natural foods store was quite the accomplishment, considering that is seems to be that everyone in boston says "two lights and a left", even if it is completely false.

so i'm advancing into the ranks of being a real girl now. learning to get around without the trusty little blue, maggy-mobile. carrying a map with me at ALL times, in the instance that somehow i become so incoherent as to what is what, i will always have some way to lead me back to my res hall.

so it's exciting. small and simple victories help to make life in a new city so much more beautiful and amazing. it's starting off to be a fabulous journey...

sweetdreams!!
e.

keys in the bathroom

i do not ever think i will get accustomed to bringing my keys with me to the bathroom. it's just not normal. it's especially awful when it's 6am and i'm half awake, stumbling to the bathroom to shower.

really...i'm certain to either get locked out of my room at some point or somehow lose the keys in the bathroom.

my brain is exhausted from talking about crisis situations in freshmen residence halls, keys in the bathroom is, unfortunately, as deep as i am able to get tonight.

:-)

Life is calling

The next few weeks will leave me little time to do anything. Breathing, eating, sleeping, unpacking, seeing sunshine? It's crazy to be back in the Residence Halls. BUT, as my dear friend said to me before I left Buffalo, "it's all about the package deal...free food and housing in Boston...you can't look at it like 'i'm back in the residence hall (eye roll)'." and he's right.

I have the opportunity to put that MS in College Student Personnel to good use, as a Resident Assistant in Warren Towers (Tower B) at Boston University. I have an amazing view of the city and a small view of the Charles River and a great ear full of the T, as it scoots along on the track, street level, below my window. I will have 42 freshmen/sophomore residents on my floor, boys and girls, and all of them in the age range of 18-20. It's going to be quite the adventure, but it's still a valuable experience. Even though i am going to feel like i am going to feel like i am going crazy for the next few weeks.

Training starts early each day and runs late into the night. But I think...I hope...that I have much to offer these students who will be my floor mates. I think back to my first RA at Canisius and she was amazing. She was in her mid twenties, like me in my late twenties, and we all adored her. I'm not asking to be adored, but she helped me to look at my college experience a lot differently. And I hope that I can do that for these students, if even in a very simple, small way. Even if it's only one student.

So the next week and a half will be devoted to training and trying to squeeze in sleep where I can. But it's all part of the journey...all part of the experience of growing and stretching. Before I left Buffalo, my friend and idol, Emmy, said to me: "Elizabeth, I guess it's the things that scare us the most, are the challenges we are supposed to be moving towards, it's how we know we're growing. It's good to be scared, it keeps us from getting TOO comfortable." And she's right. she is SO right.

So here i am in my cozy, single room with my XL twin bed. But it's all helping to make me a more fully alive person and in the end, isn't that what it's all about? Being alive? Taking every single possible thing that is around us? Exhausting ourselves with an eagerness for life because we will get all the sleep we need once we are passed on to the next life. So why not push a little harder and suck a little more life out of the air and experiences around us?

If nothing else, this experience is teaching me to not ever let age be a restrictive barrier. Most people rolled their eyes when I said that I'd be a 28 year old living in the residence hall, with people close to 10 years younger than me. And that's okay. It's their feelings, their opinions. But there could be worse things. And honestly, it wasn't such a horrible thing giving up my job. I was ready for this. I could feel it in my heart. And I feel so at peace with this new educational opportunity. Because my AGE; that shouldn't be the reason that i DON'T do this, school and residence life work. I look at my grammy who will be 100 in October and i want to live as long and as fully as she. And this is how...put your heart and soul into all you do, even when it isn't always fun or always easy. But in the end, I want to be able to say, at the end of my life, "I used everything you gave me GOD, I have nothing left!!"

So cheers to the start of that journey and all the quirks and bumps and joy and laughter that are bound to come with it. Cheers to the challenge of moving from my fabulous apartment to my tiny tiny res hall room. Cheers to a life without car insurance, a chapter of my life without a desk job and the biggest cheers of all to all the glorious unknown that still lies ahead of me.

I look back and try to remember who I was at 18 and it's almost impossible to see that girl. I am so different than her. I am eager to see who I am after 8 months of this experience. I am certain I am going to come out all the better for it. Just in case, I keep a stash of bubbles next to my laptop for the moments that seem overwhelmingly stressful. Because who isn't happy when they see bubbles????

So if ever you find yourself in a horrible day, pop in to your local drugstore and pick up a small 5oz bottle of bubbles. I can almost promise that they will make you smile (after you roll your eyes for feeling to childish).

Cheers to BUBBLES!!!

the kalfas' have left buffalo :-(

my mother, father and i arrived in boston tonight. it was quite the adventure, stories for another day. maggy, the little blue car, has been donated to the city mission of buffalo and my apartment keys have been surrendered. my 10 years in buffalo are over. it's so humbling to look back on the girl i was 10 years ago and see how much i've grown since move in day at canisius college in august 1998.

it is a sad day. i already miss buffalo. :-( thankfully classes begin in a few weeks and i'll have plenty of distraction!

my life as a tribe fan in red sox land begins tonight...the kalfas kids have official left buffalo and a new chapter begins.

slow to post

i am terrible! this past week was a blur with packing up my buffalo apartment to bring everything back to ohio. we're heading back out to buffalo to tidy up last minute details with the sale of maggy and then friday morning, don, roro and elizabeth are heading off to boston! my father and i are packing up my furniture in storage today and tomorrow and i have the ever so fun task of sorting my possessions for goodwill and amvets.

purging is good for the soul :-)

so i'm off to sort. i'll be back in touch with updates of the past week. the highlight was the radiohead concert that my brother and i went to at blossom music center last monday. it was fabulous! a nice respite before the madness of packing up the 15' truck that i drove from buffalo to cleveland. i'm mighty proud too. between moving my old couch into my neighbor's apartment down the hall...maneuvering the tight corners all the way and now driving a big old truck...i'd like to say that i'm a real grown up now. who is moving back into the residence halls to be a RA in a few days.

anyway! i'll be back on track once i sort through the cardboard boxes that represent 10 years of life in buffalo ny!!

happy tuesday! :-)

maggy's last trip to cleveland

i've had my little blue 1999 escort since 2000, my junior year of college at Canisius. and yesterday, as i was driving back to my parents' house, i realized, this was her last trip...maggy's last drive. yes, i named her maggy. in honor of my high school "magnificat". and our colors were blue, hence the connection to maggy.

next week, when i move my furniture back to ohio, i'll be driving a 10' Budget rental truck. and Maggy will be on her way to either an auto auction or beginning her life with a new owner.

it's so sad, how this little blue car can tug at my heart so much...but she's been there for me through so many life experiences. especially during the time in my life where i was practically living out of her after my first real job out of grad school came crashing down around me.

it's scary too. not having the same freedom you have with owning your own vehicle. relying on public transportation that operates on a schedule that might be different than your own. but it's exciting. the possibility of meeting people you might never have met otherwise, on the train, bus or subway. it's going to allow me to get a fair amount of reading done, prevent me from elevated blood pressure due to road rage and endless lines of traffic.

so it's bittersweet. giving up this little car that is just that...a car. something material and truly impersonal and lacking any emotional value. but at the same time, the memories i have because of the places this little car helped me to get to, the conversations that have been had inside this little 4 door coup, the snow storms that have been driven through between buffalo and cleveland. it's like giving up a part of myself...this little car.

but all good things come to an end someday, and maggy and i have had a good run together.

closing up my buffalo life

i created this blog because i realized that after living in one city for 10 years, a city where i grew up from 18 to 28...i am leaving a mass of people behind who i really would rather keep by my side. but alas, the ache in my bones is telling me that there are other adventures i have yet to encounter before setting roots down and boston is where this adventure seems to be starting.

so i'm hoping this will be a chance to keep the people i love dearly, close to me, even if only through words and photographs on a screen. i'll still be writing letters and cards, but this will help to keep me connected on a more daily basis.

buffalo has been such a wonderful city to me...i am going to miss it so dearly here. but to those of you who i leave behind, here in buffalo, know that i will always regard you as family and buffalo will always be a home to me. home is where your heart is and a huge piece of my heart will ALWAYS be here with the people and places that helped me to discover this next step of my path.

so onward i venture, keeping my cleveland ohio and buffalo new york lives close to my heart, as i begin life in a city where i hear it is not wise to cheer for any baseball team other than the red sox...



but this gal cheers for the cleveland indians, aka "the tribe", as it is her hometown team.




hence the title of my blog...
it should be an interesting adventure!

stay tuned :-)